It’s an undeniable fact that marriages don’t last these days. It’s not that people are not getting married but how to sustain the marriage and how to maintain the relationship has become the struggle. This write up seeks to offer few antidotes to the problem, it’s my hope you will take it seriously and share with others.
In our cultural setting, it is the man who marries the woman and he goes on to change her address and name. She becomes his wife which also means she agreed to leave her family, to be with her husband until death separates them. The truth is, many women who marry never find a home at their new addresses so they have no other option than to leave.
To have a lasting marriage, the first thing every man has to change is his wife’s address. Marriage is meant for a husband and wife to live together, plan and build. If after marriage she is going to remain where she lived before marriage, your marriage is going to suffer. You need to change her address, where she lives. And not just that, also create a home for her to stay.
Anything that threatens her stay should be taken care of, be it another woman from your past, a family member or a friend, etc should be taken care of. Pay attention to her words, mood and body language. You need to understand the words that she does not say. Sometimes the look on her face can speak a thousand words and it takes a loving husband to understand.
Never speak to your wife in a loud tone, never shout on your wife. No matter how angry or offended you are, find a better time to talk to her calmly. The only time you are heard on top of your voice is when you need help from outside, in the case of an accident, fire outbreak or the intrusion of thieves, etc.
Once she is happy with you at home, she doesn’t only stay but she also “forgets” where she is coming from and has no plans of leaving. If she will lack anything at your home, it means you are not paying attention to her. Shower her with love at home so that when you are away, she misses you and looks forward to seeing you soon.
Secondly, you also need to change her name, names carry honour, integrity. There are lots of people who don’t want to bear their father’s name because he didn’t take care of them, provide their needs and lacked honour or integrity. Let your actions bring honour to your wife. Let your wife be proud of you. Never lie to your wife, don’t teach her to lie either. Be a good example to your children. Stand for the truth and always protect, provide and defend your family.
In our cultural settings and belief system, it’s the wife’s job to respect the husband. But as a man of honour, a man with a name, it’s your job to give her something to respect. It’s difficult for any wife to respect an abusive husband, a lying and a cheating husband, a husband who ignores the needs of his wife and family.
Thirdly, change her point of view of men. In our world, mostly men are known to be cheats and some women believe no matter how good you are to your husband, he will cheat on you. It’s your duty to change such perception by being faithful to her, sincere, open and transparent. Be honest and have nothing to hide.
In our part of the world, women have the point of view that a lot of husbands don’t support their wives at home. Some husbands who tried to do that were labelled as cursed. Let your wife see you are a supporting husband. Be a good husband by supporting her and don’t forget, it takes a good husband to make a good wife. Whilst you help her at home, she aspires to help you outside the house. They end up helping with other responsibilities outside the house such as your work, bills, etc.
Many women are of the view that men don’t appreciate anything they do for them. You need to change that. Don’t be a man who doesn’t notice what your woman does for you. Don’t be a man who doesn’t recognize the effort your wife puts in to keeping the home and taking care of the family. Don’t be a man who fails to see what the wife does for him and the family unless she hasn’t done them.
In conclusion “We should keep on encouraging each other to be thoughtful and to do helpful things” – Hebrews 10:24 (CEV).