How to deal with a cheating husband or boyfriend

Man proposing to his girlfriend

Dealing with a cheating husband has been an issue of great concern to women especially in some countries where cheating is very rampant.

Travel Blogger Akesse Sanza told me that infidelity among men is no news in South Africa, Kenya and his home country Ghana. In view of this, most wives have come to terms with the situation and have concluded that “all men cheat”.

Young latino man and woman in bed at home. Hispanic husband texting with smartphone and sending message to his lover while his wife is still sleeping

Some wives who have not caught their husbands cheating think they cheat but yet to be caught.

Handling this situation has rendered many homes broken and loads of wives no longer find happiness in their marriages.

So what do you do when you catch him cheating? Divorce? NO! Ending the relationship or marriage because the man cheated is not advisable; unless it has become part of him and he’s in no position to change. Since no premarital test can tell if a husband would cheat or not, the chances of you falling in the hands of another cheating husband is 9 out of 10. So why don’t fix and keep?

Once there’s proof that your husband is cheating, you would definitely like to take some actions to let him know what you have seen and penalise him accordingly, but take note that what you do after noticing this is very important and the survival of the marriage or relationship rests on this.

While it may not be easy to contain the situation, there are certain things that you have to avoid.

Things to avoid after catching a cheating husband

1- Don’t fight him

Don’t fight or beat your husband as some women do after noticing that their husbands cheat. Some go-ahead to punish them by not giving them foods and even quit their duties as wives. Fighting a shameful husband may cause him to beat you or do his worse.

2- Don’t engage your ‘rival’

Don’t worry to call the woman your husband is cheating on you with. Don’t try to fight her in any way. A survey conducted by myself and the team at Asembi.com indicates that almost 100% of men support their ‘side chics’ in such fights. Some wives have received bruises because they contacted the ‘side chics’ of their husbands. Contacting your rival makes your husband very angry as some of his lies told would be exposed. Some ‘side chics’ only get to know that the man is married after such contact. This adds another hurdle for your husband and makes him angrier.

3- Don’t sell the situation

Announcing the situation to the world won’t help. Do not engage friends or relatives in helping you solve this situation. You can choose to contact a professional marriage counsellor. Don’t contact or discuss with anyone your husband knows personally. He becomes shameful when others get to know that he cheated on his wife. Remember that you may be together again happily and as such no one needs to know what happened in your relationship in the past.

Now, the question: What do I do?

1- Exercise Patience

You may scream at the very moment you see a text message or proof of your husband cheating. Some women even faint on the spot. Definitely there would be a change in mood and he could easily tell that something isn’t fine. Don’t let him know about the problem at hand. Find something else as an excuse for your mood change. The solution to the situation at hand begins with PATIENCE.

Research shows that cheating husbands when caught do not quit but rather look for ways to cheat further without being caught.

2- Why is he cheating?

8 out of 10 men who spoke to me and my team at Asembi.com said they don’t have any reason for cheating on their girlfriends or wives. Some added that, if even they are allowed to marry three, they would still cheat for no reason. So getting to know why your husband is cheating could be a very daunting task.

Yet, a solution cannot be found to a problem if the cause of the problem is not known. First ask yourself: What am I not doing right? What has he been complaining about? Does he like my food? Do I deny him sex? Does he hate my company? Am I annoying? Am I lazy or bad in bed?

If any of the questions happen to be the cause of the problem, fix it and find a lovely manner to tell him about the fix.

3- Occupy his free times

Note that divorce is not encouraged as your chances of landing in a cheating-free relationship is very minimal.

The more time he has for himself, the more time he gets to cheat. Fill most of his free times with your presence. Surprise him at his workplace if it’s allowed but hey, do not go mad when you happen to jump on his ‘side chic’. Avoid such dramas.

Make his weekends full of family activities and set routines for his weekends and free times. These routines could be cooking out every Saturday, visiting attractions every Sunday, going to the SPA every Friday evening, shopping every Thursday evening, etc.

This would not only keep him occupied by would rather draw him more closer to you which may, in turn, fix what was broken. The other woman may dump him for you since she may feel she’s no longer loved.

Portrait of young African American girl eating cake in restaurant. Young man feeding his girlfriend at cafe. Beautiful lady with dark curly hair eating dessert with friend at cafe

4- Blame the ‘Side Chic’

When you notice that your husband is still in touch with the woman, talk to him about her. Do so by not confirming the relationship, but by blaming the woman for forcing herself on him.

This would send a message to your husband that you really trust him and would never think that he is the one who went for the woman. This is when he would like to keep the level of trust you have for him. He may start finding means to bring that relationship to an end in order not to betray the trust you have in him.

5- Come to terms with the situation

If all the above measures fail to have him quit cheating, then Sis, sorry to say, you are married to a womaniser. Such men are cheating on you with more than one woman and are still admitting more. The only solution now is to quit but who comes next? There is no assurance that your next relationship would be any better!

In fact, dealing with a cheating husband is a very tough one as no amount of women would satisfy such men. Remember that Ex-President Jacob Zuma married more wives, yet had a baby outside the many marriages.